Wedding Day timing considerations are arguably more crucial for the earlier part of the day which includes the ceremony and the pictures, so it’s easy to underestimate the importance of time management when it comes to the Wedding Reception.

The two most important factors in determining a workable and flowing Reception schedule are: (a) If there is a Receiving Line at the Reception – and, if so, how many guests there are; (b) the timing of the Speeches.

If there isn’t a Receiving Line, then you don’t have much to worry about.  Keep in mind that some couples have their Receiving Line immediately after the Wedding Ceremony (ie) outside the Church.  In this scenario, the amount of time allocated for the pictures, including, Family, Wedding Party and Couple Shots could become limited if the Receiving Line takes too long.  Then, depending on how much time there is, the Newlywed’s pictures may be rushed in order for them to make it to the Reception on time – and these are the last pictures you want to hurry through.

Back to the Reception.  5:30 is a typical starting time.  Guests begin showing up.  Cocktails and hors d’oeuvres are served.  Dinner is often served at 7:00.

Let’s say you decide to start the Receiving Line at 5:30.  How long will it take?  Well, that depends on how many guests you have.  An average wedding will have about 150 guests.  If you and/or your guests are talkative then it could easily take until 7:00.  On average, if you estimate 30 seconds per guest, then it will take 75 minutes.  If there are 250 guests or more, it could be a problem (ie) Dinner starts later, which could affect the quality of the food.

As a Wedding Photographer, it doesn’t matter to me at all if there is a Receiving Line or not, or how long it takes.  My job is to photograph whatever is happening.  What is undeniable, though, is how tiring the Receiving Line is for the Newlyweds – who have recently had their ceremony, and who, in most cases, have just arrived at the Reception Hall from doing their pictures.  Now, they are expected to stand and greet people for a long time, with permanent smiles throughout.  By the end of it, most Couples are drained.  At least dinner is usually not far off at this point.

In some traditions, not having the Receiving Line is not an option.  It is a must.  Certainly, for those in this situation, because it is just a natural and expected part of the day, having a Receiving Line may not be quite as unfavorable as it is portrayed.   However, if there is a choice, I often suggest to the Bride and Groom that they consider forgoing it.

What are the benefits of avoiding a Receiving Line?  (1) The Couple can relax for a short time, maybe 15 minutes, when they arrive at the Reception Hall.  After freshening up they can join their guests who are arriving and enjoying Cocktails and hors d’oeuvres – instead of having to spend the entire time standing in one spot; (2) Participating in the Cocktails with their guests will allow them to mingle in a more personal way than in the Receiving Line; (3) In lieu of the Receiving Line, the Newlyweds can also visit their guests at their tables between dinner courses.

The next part of the Reception which can really affect the flow of the evening concerns the Speeches.  I always ask Couples who are booking me how many and how long Speeches will be.  Invariably, most say there will be few and they won’t be long.  While that is sometimes the case, by the time the Wedding Day arrives there are frequently more Speeches than originally anticipated, and there is often one Speech, at least, that is surprisingly long.  Consider too that by Speech-time some or all of those speaking will have consumed a fair amount of alcohol (for some, to quell the nerves).

So, when is the best time to do the Speeches?  Well, if you are having a sit-down dinner that usually takes about 2 hours.  Speeches usually take anywhere from 30-60 minutes.  If you are planning on having the Speeches after dessert your guests will be sitting on their butts for up to 3 hours – possibly longer if dinner takes longer or the speeches take longer.  That’s a long time for people to be sitting and it sometimes serves to suck the life out of the party before it has even begun.  Having the Speeches interspersed throughout dinner works very nicely, culminating in the happy couple speaking when dessert is served.  That way, once dessert is finished the party is on.

If Speeches start after dinner, depending on the crowd, it can result in the guests becoming restless and heading to the bathroom or outside for fresh air or cigarettes – which can be disruptive and even disappointing.  Furthermore, most Couples have their First Dance at the conclusion of the Speeches.  If the Speeches take place throughout dinner then as the guests are finishing dessert the Newlyweds can speak and then head straight to the dance floor and have their first dance.  In this case, most of the guests are still at their tables.  Alternatively, if the Speeches are given after dinner then by the time they finish and it’s time for the First Dance, you may have a half-empty room on your hands – which can take away from the circumstance.

Note that some Couples decide to do their First Dance when they are introduced at the beginning of dinner.  In this case, everyone is seated and all eyes are on them.  This option works well since there is a captive audience, though if there are windows in the room it is usually still light at about 7:00 and that may not be as dramatic or romantic as a First Dance in a dimly-lit room.

Take into consideration that by Reception time the Bride and Groom have been up since early morning.  A lot of energy has been expended.  Creating a Reception Schedule that flows nicely and isn’t burdensome can help put the right finishing touch on a day that you’ll want to remember as not only being special, but fun.

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Meanwhile, I couldn’t find a plug to charge a battery – until I found a plug in the office at the back.  With about 10 minutes to go before the ceremony I became concerned that I may forget the battery in the room – in the post-ceremony hubbub.  Here came my fateful decision to put my camera bag with all my gear in the room, but only after asking ‘the master’ if that door is ever locked.  He said no and again mentioned the hot blonde and how he thought he might be able to take her boyfriend, the largest of the groomsmen.  Alas, I believed him – you know what’s coming.  At the end of the ceremony we did family pictures on the altar – which took too long.  Our original timing for the park pix was a little tight, now we were in a big rush.  So, I run back to the room to get my gear.  Not only is the door locked but there is not one single church official around.  They have all disappeared.  Additionally, and perfectly, my car keys are with my camera bag (I keep my keys in my bag so if I suddenly have to leave the church I don’t leave my bag, which might be easy to do when I have my camera in my hand).  Funny, all the things I’ve always done to not get caught out – things that have worked for 8 years.  Until Saturday.

So, I’m at the church in Pickering.  Couple and Wedding Party Pictures are happening dowtown at Allan Gardens and the reception is in Woodbridge.  I had no choice, so I rolled with it.  I left my gear and my car at the church and hitched a ride.  Mercifully, I estimated I had enough space on my memory card (thank god for my 8GB card, which I wouldn’t have had 2 years ago), and I had put fresh camera and flash batteries just before the ceremony – I shudder to think what I would have done otherwise.

Retrieving my car and gear was also quite the hassle.  I had to make my own way home from the Reception and then I had to get a ride to the church the next morning.

The moral of the story – which I thought I already knew:  Keep you gear close-by at all times – and don’t trust anyone anywhere if it involves putting your gear in a room that can be locked.  Fortunately, in this case, despite the irritation and stress, the gods were with me and the final product was not affected.

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But, depending on the personalities in play, this is easier said than done.  That includes the Bride and Groom, the Family members and even the Vendors.  The Wedding day being largely centered around the Bride, from this point on I will address the Bride-to-be.

First to the laid-back Bride.  You have a real advantage.  That is because something will definitely go wrong – and that something will probably not be anything remotely major.  Maybe the flowers aren’t ‘exactly’ what you had in mind.  Maybe there isn’t a place card for one of your guests.  Maybe your dress rubbed against something and there is a little mark.  Maybe one of your always irritating family members is, surprise surprise, being irritating.  Maybe after five sunny days in a row, it’s pouring rain.  And so on…  But you are the laid-back Bride, so you roll with the punches, more attuned to the bigger picture – oh that’s right, you’re marrying the love of your life.  So, you take it all in stride and revel in your special day.

To the excitable Bride, this is most likely going to be the most intense day of your life so far (if you haven’t given birth that is).  Your intention will certainly be to have a lovely day, but sometimes it doesn’t take much for the heart rate to go through the roof.  While the following suggestions and thoughts apply to all Brides and Grooms, they may be essential for the overly sensitive Bride.

(1) Delegate Responsibilities to someone trustworthy and capable, preferably your Maid of Honor.  She will be your go-to person who will deal with issues as they arise.  Give her the confidence that you trust her to make good decisions.  Everyone should know ahead of time to go to her first with any concerns.  She should only involve you if it’s a major decision or problem.

(2) Have all aspects of your wedding finalized well ahead of the wedding day.  Running around the day before is a recipe for stress that will spill over into the wedding day.  The better prepared you are ahead of time, the more you can fous on the magic of the day.

(3) Visualize in advance.  Knowing it’s going to be a stressful day, visualize ahead of time not over-reacting to things.  I have photographed over 150 weddings.  There was only one instance when we almost didn’t manage to get the couple shots and that was because the Bride was an let things get to her and the Groom allowed himself to get so angry (in response to a meaningless and classless comment from a stranger) that security had to be called in.  Neither the Videographer nor I had ever experienced anything approaching this.  Though we managed to take some pictures the Bride and Groom were not happy and the rest of their day was affected.  If you are prone to getting carried away prepare yourself ahead of time so you can make better choices.

(4) Recognize Escalation & Fear.  Continuing with the theme from (2), the spiral can often begin with an innocuous event.  If you allow that one incident to take on a life of its own, it can often lead into something else, and so on – all of which ends up playing into the fears you’ve had for months about things going wrong with your Wedding.  So, when you notice your mind running off with your senses, nip it in the bud.  Seriously, it’s not worth it.

(5) That thing you are so upset about…  Chances are your guests will not notice or care – unless you make a big deal out of it.  While some of your guests will concern themselves with the aesthetics of your wedding, the vast majority are more interested in witnessing the love that has brought the two of you together.

(6) Family Intrigue.  You both know your families all too well, including those people that bring out the worst in you (for many of us, nobody does that quite like family).  The great thing here is that if there is a certain someone who just gets your goat, it’s entirely predictable.  It’s really a shame to allow this person to ruin things for you.  Actually, the main issue here is not that person’s actions – which you can see coming from a mile away – but in your reaction.  It’s easy to blame others for our own reactions, even when they appear justified.  Unfortunately, that justification can come at the high cost of negatively affecting your day.

(7) Be open to a change of plans.  Summer, 2008, was rainy.  There was one Saturday where the rain did not let up from morning until night.  The Ceremony and Reception were downtown, so we were going to take the pictures at Osgoode Hall and Nathan Phillips Square.  Alas, it was not to be, which had an affect on the Bride – and understandably so.  We had to come up with another option.  I suggested Union Station.  19 of us, including the Wedding Party, stood in a building watching the rain.  It felt like a big deal for everyone to get into 5 cabs and go to Union Station.  She resisted.  I insisted (in a nice way).  She finally relented.  We got some great shots at Union Station.  It wasn’t the ideal scenario, but it was certainly better than the shots we would have gotten if we had stayed where we were.  After the fact, she was grateful we went.  Fortunately, she was a lovely person.  If she had allowed her anxiety to get the better of her it may not have happened – and their couple shots would basically have been disappointing.  In short, be flexible.  Occasionally, the alternative plan actually ends up being better than the original.

Hey, what about the Groom?  As mentioned earlier, as much as things have changed, the day still belongs to the Bride.  Needless to say, the Groom can also make things difficult, but generally speaking, he is usually doing this best to keep his Bride happy – if he’s smart anyway.  The wedding day is a concentrated practice session for the rest of your lives together.  ‘Happy Bride, Happy Day’ segues perfectly into ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’.

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